This Semester Has Been Hard

For a variety of reasons, I have had a really difficult semester. I recently transferred majors, so I have the stress of trying to teach myself new tricks. I was an English Writing major for two years, and as far as talent was concerned, I was sitting pretty comfortably on almost all A's. However I felt increasingly discontent over the summer, and felt that my upcoming schedule was going to be way too much for me. I had thought about changing my major to Film Studies for a while, and finally decided that I would go through with it about two weeks before school started. I said f*** it, took a leap of faith, and didn't land very gracefully.

To tell you the truth, I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never been tech-savvy, and it's really starting to show. I can take a camera and point and shoot, but can I think of everything that needs to go into making "the perfect shot"? Can I figure out all the tips and tricks on Premiere Pro? Can I even physically lift some of the equipment? No, no, and no. Those are all pretty hard no's. And what anxiety and depression I have had in the past has been enormously intensified because of my struggles in Film.

As I'm sure most of you know, the Church and mental illness are two pretty hotly contesting entities. One tells you to give all of your trust to God, the other tells you to trust no one, sometimes exclusively God. And turning to the Church doesn't always help either--Christians may tell you to read Scripture, or "give it all to God." Well, when depression is such a burden and anxiety tells you that everyone hates you because of your burden, it's hard to be able to give it to anyone, even the one who loves you the most. You're so worried that everything will fall apart that you may lose your trust in God.

Ultimately, my point is this: It's okay to have depression. It's okay to have anxiety. And it's okay to have doubt when these two mental illnesses combine for a cocktail of worry and self-doubt. There are people who are safe places, and if that means that you have to go to a licensed professional, that's okay. Don't let anybody--Christian or not--make you think otherwise.